How many times have we heard that in a meeting from our leaders? Or read it in an unsolicited email? And how many times have we finished the sentence to ourselves as, “…Imma gonna go ahead and do it anyway.” That’s the implication that sentence fragment makes. It doesn’t matter how the sentence is actually finished, the implication is clear and takes center stage in our head. When I hear that introduction, I reflexively want to dismiss what is coming next. So, what was the point of starting that way? To show solidarity? To be less negative? To be a leader, not a dictator? No. Not to me. This, in my opinion, is not leadership.
I say this because typically what follows this introduction is an opinion that is not grounded in personal experience. This happens a lot in my world because marketing is one of those professions that few people really understand but feel like they do. I believe that the person delivering this message on some level knows they may not have all of the facts and is trying to minimize the impact by saying it is not criticism. That gives them an “out” if they are proven wrong. So, of course I want to discount the message. It is not grounded in fact and is insensitive to boot.
This is not to say that I would not welcome constructive criticism from my leaders and colleagues. I absolutely would. I believe that we all become better leaders and better people when we work together for the good of our organization’s mission. I believe in collaboration.
Wouldn’t it be better to ask for more information instead of leading with unsolicited feedback that is absolutely NOT criticism (cue eye roll)? Simon Sinek says we should always start with WHY. If you don’t know WHY a situation is handled in a certain way, that is the first question you should ask. A true leader would say, “I am seeing a situation in a certain way but I’m not sure I have all of the details. Please educate me on this issue.” That is collaboration. That is leadership.
Have a conversation, learn everything you can about the issue at hand, and then if you still have a problem, address it with constructive criticism. Coming from a place of collaboration makes the criticism much easier to take. Saying “Have you thought about addressing the situation in this way?” or “Let’s work together to find a solution.” is so much better than the “but” that comes with whatever platitude you might try to say to minimize the sting of nonconstructive criticism. How hard is that?
